Today I put on a bikini and went to the beach. Recognize this is no small task because despite my 5 foot nothing frame, I am not a small woman. But today I made a decision that I was not going to the beach in that eggplant tankini I bought 10 years ago to cover my stretch marks.

Number One: It doesn’t cover my stretch marks.

Number Two: I HATE getting naked to go pee.

Number Three: It’s ugly as sin and twice as hot.

So I put on my two piece bikini with the halter bra and high waist panties and drove me, my kid, his bestie, and a half full cooler to the beach. When we got to the beach before the boys got in the water I stopped my son and asked him to take a picture of me in my bikini.

I wanted him to take a picture because I need to see pictures of women just like me at the beach with their kids looking like they belong at the beach and not in some hovel somewhere shelling peas for a hungry man!

I had him take that picture and I immediately posted it on my social media page with tags like #NoMoreMomSuits #GetYouABikini #GotABody #TakeItToTheBeach #InstantBeachBody.

Why are moms constantly hiding their bodies? I mean seriously, what the hell do we have to be ashamed of?

Everywhere I looked on the beach there were women hauling kids, floatees, coolers, diaper bags, strollers, carriers, extra towels, grills, charcoal, bags of ice, and umbrellas searching for the perfect spot to drop it all. And in the midst of all that hauling yanking at bathing suits intended to hide their cellulite.

Girl.

Stop.

This suit is not cute and it does not hide anything. We can still see you. And you know you didn’t want to buy it anyway. The only reason you bought this suit was because you thought it was going to camouflage your stretch marks, lift your boobs, and hide your tummy.

Stop believing the advertisers. They lying to you. I know this because they also lie to me. That print copy was meant to get you to buy that ugly swimsuit by feeding into the running narrative that once you’ve dropped a kid or more your body is no longer desirable and therefore, should be hidden.

Let me let you in on a little secret…everybody can still see you. And the people who see you the most…the ones you feed and clothe and house everyday are wondering why are you hiding.

I mean come on! This is cooler than that and in the hijab swimsuit women and girls are covered from head to foot!

So let’s make a deal to just stop.

No one is looking at you or judging you. And the people who are looking and judging just got way too much time on their hands. And who has time for people with that much time on their hands.

Buy the swimsuit you actually want in your actual size! Don’t make it a competition to be comfortable to feel sexy and vibrant and you!

I hate when we tell ourselves crap like

When I lose this weight, I’ll…

Do what you want to do now with the body you have! Stop waiting to get started.

Almost 2 years ago, I was issued a dare by someone to create a goal so bold there was no way I would back out of it and once I’d accomplished it there was no way I’d ever turn back.

The goal I picked was to walk a half marathon.

My objective was to train for and complete a half marathon without focusing on my weight. Instead of making everything about how much weight I would lose, I focused my training on making my body strong enough to endure a 13.1 mile journey without injury.

I found that when I focused on making my body strong instead of thin, the way I trained and moved changed. It wasn’t about how many calories I took in but instead about how many miles I covered and in how much time.

I didn’t measure out portions. I ate the food I needed to eat in order to sustain the energy my walks required. I didn’t think about whether or not I was drinking 64 ounces of water. Instead I made sure I was never thirsty, because I knew that once I got thirsty I was already dehydrated.

I stopped worrying about whether or not my arms jiggled when I moved them and focused my energy instead on whether or not I positioned my arms in such a way that helped me keep my speed up.

I left self-degradation behind me. I also chucked my inhibitions about my body in the process. I mean think about it…as a mom your body has taken a whole lot of bumps, and bruises and I ain’t just talking about birthing!

It takes speed to keep up with a toddler. It requires stamina to work a full day and figure out a way to make sure your kids have a memorable summer. Your body has to be strong to haul all that beach crap out of the car and onto the beach.

Why then are we so ashamed of our bodies that we feel like we have to cover them up?

The exact same day that I registered to complete that half marathon, I also bought myself a bikini. In actuality I bought 2 bikini’s.  And both of the bikini’s I bought were and are size 18.

They don’t cover my arms that jiggle. They don’t cover my thighs with the cellulite. They don’t hide my belly that currently resembles Winnie the Pooh’s honey pot more than Jessica Rabbit’s.  And they don’t really help lift and separate. But they are fun! When I put on one of my bikinis I feel like I’m in this! Like I’m going to the beach and it’s not a chore but something I want to do because it’s something I enjoy.

I’m completely over hiding my body in order to make some imaginary critic happy. I want you to be over it to.

And you know what happened while I was at the beach in my bikini with my kid and his bestie? This little girl walked over to me, dressed in a mini mom swimsuit and said, “I really like your swimsuit! It looks so much fun!”

And you know what my kid said when I asked him to take a picture of me to share with you? He said,

Are we done? Can I go play now?

Cause he’s a kid and he don’t care as long as I’m happy. And yours don’t either. Go buy you a bikini!