everyday i stand in complete awe of my position as a mother. and by awe i mean i’m generally scarred shitless about the wellspring of responsibility that is mine to navigate. and for those holier than thou types, take a moment and think about it…as a mom you hold the key to your child’s soon-to-be-adult world view about everything.
you are the foundation. the very rock upon which her beliefs will stand or fold. you are the voice in the back of her head that she will listen to or fight against. you are the brush that will paint the images of his real self, his public self and his ideal self.
so if you are scarred of leprechauns chances are you’re going to raise an adult who will one day feel an adverse reaction to being in the presence of someone who spends their time gathering gold for arbitrary deposits in pots found only at the end of elusive rainbows.
i was recently (as in five minutes before being compiled to sit at the computer and write this blog) meditating on this idea ‘how would i feel if my biggest wish came true?’
well that seemed a bit too large a concept for me to focus on because i (being a very well practiced dreamer) couldn’t focus so i asked myself, ‘what is my biggest wish?’
i tossed out a debt free life because as much as i’d like a debt free life it’s kind of a small wish. from there my brain chatter went to 60 pound weight loss but again i felt like that was a smallish wish as well so i pulled on my big girl wish helmet and squeezed my eyes really tight and popped out
‘my biggest wish is for my son to feel as whole and complete and loved and secure in himself and those around him everyday of his life as he does right now.’
and even though this is ‘the’ wish that would bring me (still relatively new to the motherhood) unspeakable joy, my inner wish-generator wasn’t so happy with it and judged it as only a medium sized wish. so i squeezed my eyes tighter and pressed the wish accelerator to the floor of my consciousness and created a dream even in this moment it stuns me to write out loud,
my biggest wish is that no girl should have to be getting married in order to feel loved, cherished, important and beautiful. my biggest wish is that every girl the world over grows up knowing that she is important, that she is beautiful, that she is love. and i wish this wish because girls become mothers (some sooner than later) and it is mothers who birth in their children world views that devastate or build.
so my wish is that we begin at the beginning.
my wish is that the view that girls and women are only as pretty as their bodies end. my wish is that we end this idea that it’s motherhood or wifedom that make a woman. my wish is that we walk away from smart being unequal to pretty and pretty still not being good enough. my wish is for girls who will become mothers to always know that they all alone by themselves are enough. that they do not have earn the right to be loved or safe or cherished or beautiful.
my wish is for every girl from this part of the globe to the farthest reaches of the globe know her own power and grounds herself in that power so that she can be a light for herself, her family, her community, her society and our world.
i wish this wish because selfishly i want my son to live a life where he always feels as whole and complete and loved and secure in himself and those around him everyday of his life as he does right now and i know that that will not be possible if another mother’s son or daughter does not feel whole and complete and loved and secure in himself or herself. i know that as long as there are mothers out there who hold narrow world views and live in fear of stepping into the unknown to make a better path for the children they rear, we all remain in danger.
let’s face it we can’t end a single -ism
not one if we continue to propagate the narrow-minded beliefs that our way is the only way. that in order for one to be great another need be less. mothers set those rules. we teach our children differences. we teach them hierarchy. we teach them worth. when we parent unconsciously and without awareness we pass on burdens that we ourselves didn’t even want to bare.
the other day i was watching this absolutely gorgeous little girl. she was bright-eyed and completely full of herself. and by full of herself i mean she was completely aware of the fact that she was enough. that her hair was her hair and her skin her skin and her eyes her eyes and they were all…good. she had this pretty bright fuchsia bow in her hair and she tilted her head to the side to smile for a picture when i overheard her mother say, “calm it down. you’re not that cute.” and i watch right before my eyes that little girl shrink into herself. right there before me only seconds before that quick comment was made i saw a woman who would be worth knowing and in an instant she became a burden weary worrier.
we have to respect our power as mother. some of use came to this role choosing a very careful laid and planned out path while for others motherhood was thrust upon us. no matter how it is you came to be called mother, i think we all can agree that motherhood is a responsibility like no other.
it is my biggest wish that we raise the women we wished we were in order to make the world the place we have all dreamed for all our children’s sakes.