I’m being honest when I tell you the statement ‘I want to be married‘ makes me throw up a bit in my mouth. Especially when it’s coupled with that faraway wistful stare that generally accompanies the desire to take an expensive trip. I just don’t thinks marriage should be approached with the same projection as ‘I want to go to Paris.’

If everyone is being honest marriage is not really what they want anyway. What they really want is a wedding. They want the life altering proposal, the big puffy dress, slick tuxedo, elegant calligraphy invitations, the cathedral tours and cake or wine tastings. They want to hear the ooh’s and ah’s of guest watching them ‘become one’ with their destined mate. They want the rings and the acknowledgement and the first dance. They want all those dreamlike moments that make every fantasy Hollywood and Disney has ever sold real.

Let’s me clear, that’s not marriage that’s a party.

Anyone can plan a party. Anyone. Planning a life with someone…now that takes real ovaries.

Buying into the fairy tale has left many wives feeling disjointed after the glow of the spotlight dims. And more than a few husbands admit feelings of inadequacy and despair because they cannot live up to the hype, the stereotype of ‘knight in shining armor’ everyday, all day.

Marriage, contrary to the media definition, is not a lifetime supply of happiness served up for breakfast each morning by your beloved.

I have seen women spend hard earned money to take a seminar and then buy a book along with the inspirational CD developed by the newest ‘love guru’ all with the promise that this is the formula that will help at last snag ‘the one.‘

Hard. Earned. Money. Gone.

I have known men who have created very elaborate romantic action plans that aid them in luring in lovers and then stand shocked and stunned when the one caught proves themselves to be so ‘not the one.’

When first we practice to deceive…

Like fish on hooks, mouths gaping open and eyes wide shut, people listen to ‘how we knew‘ stories and you can almost hear the silent prayers of ‘Please God, let that be me next.’

Entire industries are built on perpetration of these marriage (read as wedding) message. But no one will speak the truth. No one will cut the crap and just let you have it.

Marriage. Real marriage. Well that takes the real you everyday. All day.

Marriage is about building a life, a family, a foundation with a full-time-grown-up partner. Yes, there will be backrubs and romantic moments that very well should take your breath away. But there are also ‘you bought what with what?!’ frustrations and ‘yes, I love but I will not spend another second with your family’ occurrences.

Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is a life. Don’t buy into the hype that finding someone to call your own will make everything all better. Especially when it’s you that you will bring into the marriage with you. You will have to be your authentic self and you will have to accept your spouse as his authentic self in order for the union to have a fighting chance.

If you want a big dress or a dapper tuxedo go buy you one.

If you’re really into diamonds and want a sparkly ring, go get yourself a diamond.

If you want a party and to surround yourself with all your family and friends that has great catering and a dance floor that won’t stop till Aunt Anne drops it like it’s hot…throw yourself a party.

But if you want to be married and you want that marriage to be real…start with you.