when i am an old lady
i will walk the streets
in layers of gold yell
sweet nothings into the wind
mime for catholicism and
speak secrets to children while
ladling double fudge brownies
into pie tins for parties i haven’t
been invited to

when i am an old lady
i will stare out at passersby
and loudly narrate their
comings and goings while
picking sunflower seeds from
between my teeth and mumbling
about songs i no longer remember
the words to

when i am an old lady
there will be entire days when
i will speak only in verse from
poets long since dead but so
obscure even their children will
wonder if they were in fact
writers of verse

when i am an old lady
my son will shake his head
face palm at my antics
asking me again and again to
behave and i will respond in
the same fervor he once lent to me
what’s the fun in that
my dear

when i am an old lady
i won’t care if my car is a
cadillac or that i never actually
climb the stairs at manchu picchu
instead i will wonder if erica kaine
every found love in the afterlife
of daytime soaps and i will openly
speak of bitterness as though it were
the answer to the common

when i am an old lady
i will laugh out loud everyday
forget to visit gravesites but
instead plant wildflowers in
hard to reach places taking up
seed bomb construction as though
it were a fourth career dropping
my bombs on walks to the mailbox
nevermind the neighbors complaints about
weed control

when i am an old lady
i will misremember those things
that people most want me to recall
instead i will spend tall tales of dragon
slaying and long rides on the backs of
hippogriffs with harry potter as my
classmate and the divine luke cage
as my love interest

when i am an old lady
i will loudly interrupt political
debates with requests for popcorn
and a dainty moscato while i scratch
out score cards for who makes the best
argument based solely on syllable count
with points deducted for poorly manicured
nail beds and bad dental hygiene

when i am an old lady
i will eat apples and exclaim to
people that these are in fact
my teeth and no i don’t arch
my eyebrows

when i am an old lady
i will pinch my grandchild’s
cheek and sneak snicker bars
covered in five dollar bills in
their pockets telling them its
for later while daring my son
to deny them the delicacies

when i am an old lady
i will be so hilarious
that even i will laugh at myself
and everyone who has ever loved
me will say simply
oh, she’s always been this way

and of course i will
wear purple

4 Comments Add yours

  1. zannierose says:

    lovely, and why wait- we can begin now.
    who will win this upcoming election based on her scorecard I wonder

    1. Thank you for reading!

  2. jademwong says:

    Such a fun poem and what a personality! I agree with the previous comments – why wait? It’s always a good time to wear purple everyday 😉

    1. Thank you for reading!

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