It never fails if I have the energy I don’t have the time and when I have the time I don’t have the energy.

Okay since I have re-dedicated this blog to wondering thoughts of my personal weight loss journey I have been juggling 4 pounds. One week I’m done the next week I’m up and so on and so forth till this very day. It’s the same four pounds. The. Same. Four. Pounds. My weight has me in an emotional stranglehold. This is part where I say ‘uncle.’

I know when to say when. I can be stubborn. Well the truth is that mostly I’m stubborn. But when a thing moves out of my wheelhouse and into an area beyond my source of expertise, I know how to ask for help in order to get the job done.

My life is demanding. In the last two hours I’ve put away the grocery, talked myself out of making cupcakes, washed a load of laundry, dried a load of laundry, supervised homework, put away two other baskets of clean laundry, feed the dog, fixed a snare drum, sorted and cleaned 3 pounds of green beans, cooked 6 pork chops, cooked the remaining sides, nursed a pretend wound, took out the trash, taught my son how to make a simple mac n cheese, ironed clothes, gave a wiggly five year old a bath and convinced myself that tonight is not the night to plan a lecture. And today is my slow day.

I complain a lot to myself about the fact that I haven’t been able to fit exercise into my regime more regularly. The truth is my scale has budged below this 4 pound mark because of the lack of exercise and I think I’m eating too many calories, not so much poor calories (it’s been month since I’ve used a Reese Cup as protein) but I think there are just too many of them for a steady weight loss.

Then there is the midlife hormonal crazies. I don’t know if you know a woman in her forties but as a woman in my forties, life on the inside is something strange. There are times when I can’t stand myself with the exhaustion followed up by an energy burst that truly puts my five year old, currently jumping down the stairs, to shame. When the energy bursts come I over commit myself to just about anything anyone could thing of from organizing a gaggle of teenagers to walk for a cure to signing up to lead a demonstration. Me high on my own natural juices is just too much especially when I go from spinning on 120 to -8 in less than 60 seconds.

This type of energy flux can make a weight loss journey feel like traversing the Grand Canyon barefoot. So I called my doctor. I think in addition to getting my heart health checked I need to get these hormones evaluated. I do believe that they are the culprits behind my waistline expansion as well as droopy eyelids at midday.  I also went out and bought 2 new diet books:

You: On a Diet by Drs. Oz and Roizen

Best Life Diet by Bob Greene

They’re not really diet books, they move more in alignment with my personal philosophy: optimal health for myself. So far I haven’t had the time to crack either of them open so that is this week’s focus:

1. Read Best Life Diet and try out a couple of the recipes. I figure of Bob Greene helped Oprah he can help me. I have no plans to sign up for his online program, but I ain’t knocking it. For more information go to www.thebestlife.com.
2. Recognize that the journey is the point. I want my scale to go backwards. Ultimately, my optimal health includes substantial weight loss, however, it took 20 years for me to pile this much weight on myself, I think it’s going to take longer than 18 months to reprogram myself so that it comes off and stays off.
3. Because I can’t make more time focus on the moment. I spend so much time planning that I often forget to live. My to do list grows everyday. Literally each day there are more things ‘to do.’ I want to say that I will put me on the list. Prioritize time for myself but that’s a set up. Soon as I’m finished with this blog I’m more than certain that I’ll be elbows deep in lesson planning allowing my dinner to go cold. I do want to commit to now. It is all I actually have after all.
4. Get familiar with the principles of You: On a Diet. I like the way the doctors break it down. It reminds me of one of those Idiot guide books actually.
5. Keep those doctor’s appointments. This is a no brainer. I need to know where my numbers are and add my hormones into the equation. Getting expert advice to weigh in on my options is critical. If you’re trying to go at a big weight loss alone. I advice that you stop and ask questions of experts you can trust. I have a team and I ain’t afraid to call them.

I’m not quitting. Uh-Un. No way. No how. Not today. Not tomorrow. This is a commitment to me. I’m not working on a bikini body for summer. I’m not trying to lighten up for a reunion. I’m focused on putting the best me forward. Period. And I’m willing to put in the time to make optimal health my reality.