the great debate heard in locker rooms on park benches water coolers bus rides to amusement parks and the back seats of surburbans maryann or ginger; sure ginger is hot she moves like jazz and somehow took enough hair spray on a three hour tour to last 3 years into a shipwreck; everybody wants to bed or be ginger with the auburn hair and legs that go into next week; ginger ginger ginger; well I AM A MARYANN and no i do not know how to apply eyeliner in the midst of hurricane and i refuse to wear strappy heel sandals i believe them contraptions fit only for my demise and i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about  perfectly coiffed hair or make up that gives my cheekbones just the right blush; no no no I AM A MARYANN i can climb a tree crack a coconut and start a fire without a match i can smoke a goat and  build a nest for two or three or whoever drops in; i’m comfortable in my skin enough that pigtails and good moisturizer really are my only beauty regiments; i’ll get a manicure and love to be pampered but its not a requirement for living given that i prefer living to sitting and waiting on some white knight to rescue; I AM A MARYANN all girl next doorish with cups of sugar waiting which do you prefer brown granulated raw organic or white; i may not sashay but i can run (okay walk) many miles before i tire and let’s face it i’m cute not the stop dead in your tracks and worship me untouchable beauty that ginger (let’s face it) has downpat but take-my-breath-away-cause-in-this-light-you-could-be-an-angel-did-you-just-save-that-cat kind of way and i age well all maryanns do its one of the side effects of all that sunshine and laughter from living life just right so i’m ending this ridiculous debate about whose better or sexier or sweetest I AM MARYANN dammit and

I

WIN!