its so easy to
disappear in a big family.
there is always a crisis or celebration
crowds of people gathered together
making noise, calling it love
plenty of opportunity
to vanish

become invisible
you’re just another
cousin or mouth to feed
a hand to push
away from a
freshly iced cake

in the chorus of
so much background
noise you loose your focus
living in a continuous meditative
state of not being anything in
particular

you don’t worry
small things like your name
are useless here and there are
no cares about too tight shoes
your priority is the piece of chicken
placed on your plate and
cousin whassit’s eyes
that never waiver from it

maybe you’re wearing last christmas’
dress to the friday night fish fry
no one cares here that its out
of season or that the toy you’re holding
has been passed down so many times
its slick from too much loving

this is your tribe
these are your people
disappearing into their folds
is your protection from
the devil and other calamities
that explode outside of this place

this space
where it’s so
easy for you to
disappear

i grew up in a gloriously chaotic cacophony of a family. we were huge in number and loud in voice. there was an anonymity to being from such a large group and in that a protection that i now crave as an adult. i use to want peace and quiet when i was a kid, never feeling like i could hear myself think because of all the people. my one true wish each birthday was for quiet. and now that i have silence surrounding me i can honestly say, i can’t stand the noise.