self preservation, love, and why you should fight for you

what does it take to be about the business of self-care?

it takes gumption.

it takes chutzpah.

it takes a revolutionary spirit.

it takes a willingness to step outside of the status quo.

to be about the business of taking care of you means you have to push past your preconceived notions that something else, someone else will go without. it means you have to push past the fear that if you take care of you someone else will fail.

you have to push past the fear that if you take care of you someone else will fail.

audre lorde’s assertion that

…self preservation…is an act of political warfare.

is not a far fetched claim.

for your consideration

Jane Roe was an actual person.

it is 2017, yet we live in a world where the debate about a woman’s inalienable right to do what she wants with her body is still a debate. roe v wade passed in 1973.

but for 44 years the debate about whether or not roe v. wade should be overturned or limited in scope continues to dictate political and social and religious conversation.

this 44 year old debate has focused not on the economic and social conditions that lead a woman to choose abortion but rather on the prescribed medical procedure of abortion itself.

this 44 year old debate has never really even broached the surface of what responsibility society has to the mother to support her in feeding, housing, clothing, or educating the child once born.

no, instead for 44 years in our society we have discussed heatedly about whether or not abortion itself should be legal.

so as a woman, when you are born into a society that cannot agree on whether or not your body is yours or communal property, do you have a right to self?

when your basic inalienable right to body is subject to debate your right to self-hood is also debatable. ultimately, in such a society as a woman you are in a long term struggle for self-hood.

self-hood is about your right to individuality. your ability to own your own humanity.

how can you own your own humanity, if your body is subject to debate?

how can you care for yourself, if you are never allowed to claim yourself for yourself?


fearfree living is about self-care.

in-the-midst-of-winter-i-foundthere-was-within-me-an-invincible-summerit stands on the radical notion that people have a right to selfhood regardless of gender. and concludes that if you have a right to selfhood, if you have a right to claim you for you then your body belongs to you as well. if your body belongs to you why not take care of it and the you that resides within.

fearfree living is the profound principle that you have a right to care for the you you claim.

fearfree living then acknowledges that when you claim the you you have a right to, you are taking a revolutionary step away from the status quo.

this is about more than losing 30 pounds. this is about more than a new haircut, or a girls night out. self care at the very heart of it acknowledges that you deserve to be cared for.

you deserve to be cared for with the same dedication, perseverance, and tenderness you extend when you care for anyone you love.


fearfree living is love.

a dedicated, tender, compassionate, thriving self-love that radicalizes the idea that you in all your individuality are worthy of care.

sometimes that looks like forgiveness.

sometimes that looks like a new shade of red lipstick.

sometimes that looks like a nap on a sunday afternoon.

and sometimes that feels like a warm blanket over too cold toes.

tuesday-truth-2-21-17when we think about love we often imagine it as a rainbow cloud covering the world in chocolate sprinkles as the sun shines down washing the world in a halo of light and feel good sentiment.

but when love is in action, it’s us standing at a kitchen counter late into the night trying to get the gluten free, lactose free, sugar free treats requested by a kindergarten teacher to not taste like cardboard.

when love is in action, it’s you holding a too hot phone in an 3 hour marathon conversation because if you hang up it may be the last time so you keep holding on because you simply can’t let go.

when love is in action, it’s you driving 500 miles just so you could be in the stands at the perfect moment when they look up and realized they didn’t stand alone.

when love is in action, it comes in the form of a check written against your expenses to cover the dream for someone else.

when love is in action there are no rainbows, there are no sprinkles, and the only light around is the one coming from you.

don’t you deserve your love in action?

i’m not a big fan of grand gestures. so i don’t generally make grand stands. i don’t declare at the start of a new year that i’m going to be a new me. mostly because i like me too much to put that kind of pressure on me.

i like me too much to put that kind of pressure on me. this statement right here is the first act of leading a fearfree lifestyle:

number one: stop beating up on yourself.

so what you ate the pie. tomorrow don’t eat the pie. or better yet, stop putting yourself in a position where pie eating is a thing.

half marathon me

when you live fearfree you just stop beating up on yourself. you maintain expectations and you set them high (last year i actually walked a half marathon) but all the self disparaging remarks…leave it.

my rule of thumb is i don’t say anything to myself i wouldn’t say to my son. i would never call my son dumb or fat or stupid. i would never talk about his body parts as though he could pull them off, trade them in, and try again. no way, jose!

i love my son. i speak love into him. i speak love into his life.

now when he’s wrong, there are consequences. but never with the goal of making him feel like shit. stop making yourself feel like shit.

number two: try again.

i have attention deficit disorder. i am also an introvert. my ability to maintain focus in social situations is to say in the least limited. i think in all i can pay attention in a group situation for a maximum of 2 minutes without using my strategies for re-engagement.

it’s because the inattentiveness with me runs high that my mother yelled, ‘pay attention’ at me so much growing up (and now) that it could well have been my name. yet as inattentive and impulsive as i can be, i finished my bachelor’s degree in 3 years and went on to be the youngest person in my master’s program. i am tenacious about my goals. even when it looks like i’ve given up…i haven’t.

caribana me

i implore you not to give up on you. don’t walk away from you, or your quirks. as much as i need down time, and i do…you could go so far as to say i hibernate especially after being in large groups for extended periods…but i still walked in caribana with my friends last summer.

i had to sleep for four days afterward because i was in complete sensory overload but i did it. me. and i’ll do it again.

more rules and tools are to come. i can’t wait to share with you all the information i have stored up over this life’s work. it’s going to be amazing. for now please like and follow fearfree living on facebook and instagram.

let’s grow this community.

how amazing would be it if more people lived fearfree?



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