a peculiar familiarity

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I was gonna be regular

I was gonna be regular
Sign my kid up to go build
Lego batman things then
Take him to see the
Lego batman movie

I was going to be regular
and do regular things we
were going to order popcorn and
I was going to ask him to be still
no less than 12 times from the moment
the lights dimmed until they shone
bright again

It was going to be just
a regular day
I was going to be just
a regular mom
then

He looked at pictures of
Harriet and Martin and choked on
who they were

He admitted to calling someone
the A-word because
‘he ain’t no punk’

He starred into
that little screen so long
his eyes glazed over

and

nigger still litters playgrounds
like trash blown in from the street
dangerous and unapologetic

I am not regular
He’s not regular
This is not regular

so

No,
We did not go see Lego batman
We did not build Lego batman things
We held our breath and listened to
Samuel L. Jackson recite James
Baldwin‘s words

I answered questions about
Medgar and Malcolm and Martin
and he pondered at their youth and
oldness and immortality

We delved into questions it
will take a lifetime for him to
resolve and he wondered out loud
if i cried

These times are not regular
for 388 years they have
been largely strange and
unaccommodating

having never been one to
turn a blind eye i instead
stare truth down and now
teach him to do the same

i-am-not-your-negro
I Am Not Your Negro Trailer

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